So, You're Smacked with a Spitball: Do You File a Police Report?

I've been reading La Cañada crime reports for going on three years now. 

Mostly I see vehicle burglaries, residential burglaries, drug arrests and the occasional assault. But every now and then a report comes my way that makes me roll my eyes.

Sitting on the sofa at the Crescenta Valley Sheriff's Station perusing the pile affixed to the clipboard (Sgt. Robert Galbraith now kindly emails said reports to the media) I've read, "Victim reports that persons unknown to her opened her gate.'' And "Victim states that persons unknown to her left her mailbox ajar.'' Plus "Victim states persons unknown to her removed an orange from her tree.''

But today's gem actually made me pick up the phone to call the watch commander and say, "Seriously?''

A person filed a crime report about being hit with a spitball. 

Now, I live in Downtown Los Angeles. So when “a person unknown to me’’ busted my car window in broad daylight, and stole all the reusable grocery bags (yet, oddly not the clothes or toiletries in my gym bag or the loose change in the cup holder) I thought, well, I better call the police.

Standing in a sea of shattered glass, I dialed LAPD’s central division—didn't deign to call 911, I’m smarter than that—a rather curt fellow cut me off. He said they don’t respond to that kind of crime. But I was welcome to walk over to the station, file a report and then a detective would call me.

I did. He did not.

So, given the non-earth shattering incident of the drive-by-spitballing, I had to know: Is it advisable to take up law enforcement’s time with such a seemingly innocuous complaint?

Turns out, it’s better to have it on the record, Lt. Angela Shepherd said Monday.

The victim reported to deputies that at 12:15 p.m. on Friday a person driving in the 4400 block of La Granada Way (it was incorrectly listed on crimereporting.com as an assault on “La Ranada Way) got smacked in the cheek with a spitball.

“It’s misdemeanor battery. The person got hit in the face, and there were no injuries, so it’s a very minor misdemeanor,’’ she said.

Barely able to contain my snark, I asked Shepherd if she, a member of law enforcement, were to get hit with a spitball, would she report that malicious mischief to law enforcement?’’

“It depends,’’ she said in all seriousness. Then, referring back to Friday’s incident added, “If the reporting party knew the [suspect], and there was some kind of history or ongoing [feud], it’s good to get it reported.’’

And I see her point. A paper trail would be invaluable if further shenanigans were to ensue from either side. Plus, as you might guess, I’m a huge fan of getting everything on the record.

Still, I had to share my personal property crime reporting experience about the far less enthused LAPD. To this Shepherd quipped, “Yeah, well, this is La Cañada.’’ 

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